if something is disagreeable - say it in a Scottish accent

My beloved father and I have spotted a trend over the Christmas holidays in films (mainly childrens ones but some adult films too)...
If there is a disagreeable, sometimes technologically adverse character (or has urges to plunder and pillage villages frequently), they are usually male, large, with manic hair (mostly ginger/red), a foul temper and they are undoubtedly SCOTTISH.

 

(for those of you who do not recognise them; Picture 1 is Stoick from How to Train Your Dragon, Picture 2 is King Fergus from Brave, Picture 3 is Ben and Lon from Pocahontas, and Picture 4 is Scrooge McDuck - and a bit of trivia Ben (with the dark hair) and King Fergus are both voiced by Billy Conolly)

 

And yes I am aware that technically Scrooge McDuck is a duck but if we dont include certain factors, we also get Shrek, Amy Pond (the Doctors Companion), Taggart, James Bond (after Sean Connery played him, he had a Scottish father), Richard Hannay (hes from 'The 39 Step's' for you people who don't believe in classic films), as well as Fat Bastard (for those of you who watch only crap films), we can even include Macbeth and William Wallace if you really want to cover some historical bases.

 

Stereotyping at its best ladies and gentlemen =)

(I would be tempted to include my mother in this as she's Scottish, has red hair, sometimes a bad temper and urges to plunder and pillage - my bank account, but I dont think it would be a wise move ;) )

 

Anyway to end this post, I won't rant, I am going to wish you all a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year..... and remind you all that

 

it is now acceptable to say it is christmas

Over the last few years it has been said that I am a humbug, that I hate Christmas, I hate the holidays... It is not true, I juust HATE the fact people and businesses start selling Christmas stuff 3 months in advance. Its bollocks. I apologise but it is. Christmas does not occur in September, October or November. Its a December only occurance, once a year for 25 days only.
As I mentionned in one of my earlier rants - I mean blogs - my local Sainsburies started selling Christmas chocolates and sweets in September, Halloween got completely skipped over.

My going rule is (and anyone who disagrees.... is wrong =) ) ; It is unacceptable to state it is Christmas/Christmassy/ The Holidays or any other permutations of Christmas therein, before either the 1st of December OR until you have seen the Coca-Cola advert.

There are exceptions to this rule -

1) You obviously have to believe in Christmas

2) The Holidays are different in America and therefore count from Thanksgiving Day but only if you are American born and bred OR you have lived there longer than 5 years

3) The Coca-Cola rule only counts after 00:01am on the 1st December AND NOT BEFORE

4) You are Father Christmas and Christmas therefore lasts all year

And in keeping with my own rules - albeit a day and a half late due to lack of internet-
The Voices and I Agree it is now acceptable to say it is Christmas. Merry Christmas Everyone!

pandas AREN'T completely pointless

 

Way back when I first started University, one of my lecturers, a very learned and wise man, informed us of his hatred for Pandas and when I think back on it, it probably wasnt the best move, since we all promptly went to Primark and bought Panda-printed t-shirts and jumpers and hats for our next lecture, which at the time we found hilarious, our lecturer was not best impressed.

His main points being (Panda related not outfit related)
 - Pandas are seriously reproductively challenged and have the libido of a teaspoon

 - they eat a source of food that should probably kill them (some bamboo species - like the Madagascan Giant Bamboo - contain cyanide and derivatives)

 - they live in china -> they ARE a source of food

 - they don't actually provide much of a ecological benefit apart from poo

Which are fair and just points, I am of the opinion that if it weren't for us feeding them the panda version of viagra everytime it looks like they want to do something other than eat potential death bamboo, they would have died out decades ago.

However, whilst talking to my job-advisor today, we somehow (no, I dont understand how) ended up talking about the complete pointlessness of Pandas and how awesome Whale Sharks are. Now bearing in mind, I was there for the purpose of discussing the advantages of searching online and where I was searching and how I was doing, Pandas are not a obvious conversation link.

Anyway, there is actually a point to todays blog and it is thus; although I feel (as does my lecturer) that Pandas have absolutely no ecological benefits, they do provide a interesting talking point for any random conversation with a person you have never met before and helps you to gauge the kind of person they are.

Therefore, the Voices and I agree that Pandas ARE NOT completely pointless.

 

the urge to splurge is deadly

Money is money is money..... should be spent on shoes and clothes and games and sweets and all things I really don't need but I go gooey-eyed over  when I see in the shops.

It sucks to be a girl. Until I was 18, I never had an issue spending money, I SAVED.  Actually sat down and put money in a bank

(OK, technically the Piggy Bank of Blue Cow is not actually an official bank and my father thinks its ok to nick the 2p's out when he thinks I'm not looking - Yes Dad, I know). But now, I no sooner look at a pair of black high heeled platform stillettos than I drool and the plastic of doom comes out and I find myself walking back to my car with an extra bag.

"Have some self control!" I hear you cry, but its harder than it seems. Its like gravity suddenly changes orientation and pulls me into the shop. And as many of my friends and family know, I have the constitution of a magpie... I see sparkles and I start running.

Although I would like to point out, that I do buy a lot of secondhand jewellry and revamp it and sell it on.. plus I recycle a lot of my clothes sending them onto charity shops and donations.

AND I have just spent £50 on my fathers upcoming birthday at the end of next week.... so its not all spent on me!...... mostly. (And when he reads this, he will be peeved that I didnt leave him any clues as to what his gift is, HA HA HA).

But back to the case in point, splurging! It isnt only women who suffer, men do to - although many will refuse to admit it. However, as soon as that paycheck comes in at the end of the month, a new XBox game appears, as do new car cover seats, aftershave, a spanky new t-shirt or the latest Nike/Adidas trainers. Yes Gents, we're onto you!

Since both sexes suffer from the urge to splurge;

The Voices and I agree the urge to splurge is DEADLY

somethings are best left in their original condition

In the world of Marvel, DC and other assorted comics, merchandise is worth more in its original condition; box included.
I agree with this opinion especially when it comes to recipies. I love to cook, but as a family we all have different favourite flavours, I like deep strong flavour, my brother prefers to have his tastebuds neutralised with chilli, my father prefers more herby dishes made with my homegrown herbs and my mother loves dishes well seasoned. But we ALL agree, when it comes to salt, its for seasoning POST cooking.

I'm sat watching 'Jamies 30 Minute Meals' as I write this post and I am horrified at the sheer amount of salt he adds!!!! Its a wonder his blood doesnt leak out his ears.

get fish....add handful (yes handful) of salt.
get bacon (already salty).... fry bacon with onions and chives.... add salt
get greenbeans, par-boil in water with a handful of salt.
cook pasta ... in salt water.
. . . . . .
get fish out of oven, make sure its cooked before adding bacon and onion stuffing into the middle. add some salt to the skin to make it crackly...


*die of anaemia through salt overdose*

And he isnt the worst either... My personal favourite is Rick Stein (who incidentally hates the British - if you ever watch any of his series where he travels abroad, he loves EVERYTHING they do and often remarks as to how back in britain we fail to do so much).
Known as a seafood lover, you have to question his reasoning as to WHY does a fish, from a SALTWATER situation, that was swimming around for a few years happily in SALTWATER, breathing in the oceans SALTY goodness.... NEEDS ADDED SALT?!

I understand the need to add salt to a side of pork, otherwise you dont get crackling *dribble*. I understand the need to add salt to crisps (potato or parsnip), otherwise they taste bland..... but why do you need to add SOOO MUCH.

I would love to see what would happen if they actually ate all the meals they cooked for tv, everyone knows they don't - the camera crews do, but if they did I am certain that these chefs would probably end up having serious blood conditions.. What I wouldnt give to be a fly on the wall of that phlebotomy lab.

The Voices and I Agree sometimes its best left to leave the original alone.

if you finish the milk, you go buy more

Pet peeves anyone?

 

I have a few, but finishing off the necessities and then whinging that theres no bread or milk or butter, p***es me off really badly.

You finished the damn stuff off, GO BUY MORE!

Don't look to me, as the only person in the house with no current income, to go and replace what you ate. You have a job, you have money, you have petrol in your car, you DRIVE PAST SAINSBURIES ON YOUR WAY TO AND FROM WORK!

*Shakes head* I'm not doing it! . . . . . . . . . . . . . but damn it I want toast and tea. =/

Ok, not a pet peeve of yours? How about one for the ladies.... the toilet seat.

Lid up, lid down. not rocket science.. It is drilled into little boys from the day they progress from potty training to the real thing... so HOW do they manage to forget something they have done since toddlerhood?!
Or on a similar trend, shaving your beardie over the toilet.... DON'T LEAVE THE HAIR ALL OVER THE SEAT! No one wants a hairy ass when they stand back up.

Something for the gents then? Control of the TV remote.

A sensitive subject in many a household... when a woman has control of the remote anything is a watchable program, but regardless of what it is, its crap. Men find tv a easily entertaining source of enjoyment. There is ESPN, SkySports 1,2,3 and 4, EuroSport, Men and Motors, Discovery Shed.... following my catch here?

 

The Voices and I agree that when it comes to pet peeves, if you drink the last of the milk, you go buy more.





Children In Need is just a bad mashup of all bad Saturday TV

 

Well its been a while since we have had a charity event, lets put Children In Need back on.

Here we go again, 4 hours of really bad celebrity jokes, japes, dancing, singing, choreography all in aid of helping children in need ...... but what they still neglect to tell you (as all charity organsations do) is that a large portion of your good hearted donations.... go to Admin and Taxes.... *BOOOOO  HISSSSSS*

Whats wrong with a well informed charity 'telethon'? instead of showing you miserable, tailored images of extremely deprived children (which the younger generation are pretty much desensitized to anyway thanks to Assassins Creed, Call of Duty, Resident Evil) and then images of a year later when everything is happy and awesome and the rains have come like a miracle (no-its called the rainy season), a celebrity has gone out there and is amazewd to see how life has changed and how it has affected their lives... blah blah blah.

The script is the same, the face is different. We aren't stupid.... just some people pay less attention than others.

Does no one remember the big C.i.N scandle a few years ago?????  Seems not.

Don't mistake me, I understand that people need help sometimes and I do give to charities but ones I know make a difference- like Help for Heros, The British Red Cross, MS Society, etc.

Sigh, maybe I just live on a different plane of reality... I'm frequently told I do and the voices definately agree with THAT, besides, it's  more fun anyway.

So, back on topic, in rebellion against Children in Need and its 4 hours of crap tv, followed by an hour of BBC News analysis of how 'awesome' (crap), I am going to the cinema, to watch 30mins of adverts for films that look awesome but Ill forget I want to see, followed by the new Twilight film and popcorn that tastes excellent, but is a pain to get out of your teeth. =)

The Voices and I agree... charity tv events suck and you should either escape to the cinema or move to the Sahara Desert.

Awards that aren't really awards... suck

Watching daytime TV is the inevitable pastime of those who are job searching, parents who work from home, sick (or faking)... and as one of the above... I am relegated to watching the MTV EMA awards.... it was this or Heartbeat.

Now not only am I watching what can only be described as a circus in sparkles (don't get me wrong I like sparkly as much as a Magpie).. but Taylor Swift is wiping the floor with all other entries by winning everything shes entered for.

Yay for her -.- , but if you win everything now, whats the point of carrying on with your career?

But what stumps me is the 'Best Look Award'.... first up - Nicki Minaj.
OK... why? In the short when they show her outfit shes dressed like a Carnivale performer.... but with MORE feathers and LESS costume.... , and another shot of her from the Starships vid... in which she wears the worlds most INADEQUATE bikini to cover her obvious boob job and her ass fillers - comparable to Katie Price/Jordan??
WHY IS SHE NOMINATED... YOU HAVE TO WEAR CLOTHES TO QUALIFY AS HAVING A LOOK! Do the math MTV...

And as for Best Male and Best Female.... Best male/female what? ... and what about transgenders/crossdressers. God knows Hollywood has enough of them and I'm not just talking about the music industry. Look at fashion, there are enough gender confused men out there to sink the HMS Illustrious and then some. So forgive me for questioning MTV, but I thought you were all about equality.

Now I think on it, why did you have the cast of Geordie Shore present an award? They have sweet nothing to do with the music industry!! WHY MTV WHY?!?!?!

Why are you even called MTV anymore?? YOU DON'T SHOW MUSIC VIDEOS!!!

ARGH.... the Voices and I agree that MTV.... you suck at your own awards.

The holidays are coming, Holidays are coming.... a little early

Oh Christmas, how do I love thee, let me count the ways.....

1) you give me presents and gifts

2) the excellent food - that I mostly cook (no I dont mean in reference to giving food poisoning, I mean I don't do it all on my own)

3) I get to see my family

4) My birthday not soon after

5) the 4 months of advertising prior to the 25th of December, the chocolates, sweets, frozen food offers and M and S clothing for new year... oh wait, thats not a love thats a HATE...

September... thats when it started this year, September. My local Sainsburies took down all the Summer goodies and picnic gear in favour of, Christmas Sweets, Turkish Delight, Stocking Fillers, Kids toys.... It's SEPTEMBER! and the advertising on tv.... it goes on and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  and on and on  until you get a aneurysm and your brain implodes.

Ok bit dramatic. I am of the time tested opinion that the holidays do not officially start until December 1st or when the Coca-cola advert first appears on TV and I see it with my own eyes - youtube videos don't count people.

The Voices and I agree that the holidays havent moved, leave them where they are!