we've been done over yet again

In my family, I usually do a lot of the 'domestic' stuff that normally a mum would do. I.e. washing, cleaning, cooking, food shopping,etc. Stuff that a lot of us are fairly ungrateful for until we get old enough to have to start doing it ourselves. As it is, I have taken on a lot of this domesticity from my mum because she can no longer do it.

And I hate doing it, but ill be honest, I don't mind it as much because she cant physically do it, not because she won't. So as it is, I don't have to pay rent or bills or things like that because essentially me and my mum feel I pay my way through housework and other bits. I also don't pay for my car insurance. I used to share my little car 'Beowulf' with my Dad, not that I used it very much as I don't do much driving other than to my stables, gym and to visit my nan to do her cleaning. But I liked having the fact that if I needed to go out or I had plans for dinner, I had a car there, every night and I could pretty much come and go as I please.

Now my younger brother, is a twat. I can say it nicely or I can say it bluntly. His driving downright SCARES me. Its dangerous in my eyes, he drives like a goddamned maniac .. typical boy racer sort of shit. And as such, he is basically on his third car since he passed his test just over 3 years ago. So I wouldn't trust him with a frigging Matchbox car let alone my little car.
And to my utter horror, around mid August he had another accident and literally totalled his car, now whether you chose to believe his story or not is up to you. I don't.
His car was a complete write off and he couldn't even drive it home. Long and short of it is, is now an ongoing insurance battle that I don't really care about and im certain he is going to lose. Anyway, so until he turns 21, we would end up paying through the neck - because hes too skint with a full time job and a serious addiction to gaming, drinking, smoking and doing stupid and expensive shit - so my dad decides to wait till hes 21 to add him to the insurance for the little blue car.
Yippee.

And so this week Robert has turned 21. And I have seen the fucking car ONCE since. Now according to my dad, he told Robert that 'although he was on the insurance, it wasn't his car, he was not to modify it and I HAD PRIORITY if I wanted it.'
So first night, he took it out. second night, he took it out. Third night, I GOT IT. BUT
and heres the crux, after I took it out, I was 'asked' (and I say asked with apostrophes to show the fingers in the air signal) to give my car to Robert on MY ONLY NIGHTS OUT because he didn't want to take the bus to college. I MEAN, REALLY?!?!?! 
I cant drive my fucking car during the day because they have it for work, I cant drive it at night because HE has it, I cant drive it at weekends because HE has it.. WHEN DO I GET TO DRIVE THE FUCKING THING.
And when he damages it, because he will, he takes no care of anything that isn't his, I refuse to believe its not his fault, I refuse to pay for the damage repair. I literally might as well go and buy my own car, pay for the insurance, tax and petrol and not fucking bother with my little blue car. I don't get to drive it, why insure me on it?

So yet again, my brother has screwed me out of something else of mine.
The voices and I agree that family is not worth everything, especially when all they do is take.

new job, new will to live

And so from the beginning of October, I have been gainfully employed!!!! Well sort of, its only a Christmas job for 3 months... and its less than 10 hours a week at the minute... but its a start. =) and at least now its something recent to put on my cv other than - last actual paid job was 5 years ago!

I mean I enjoy working for the fabuloso company its with; Lush. I think they are brilliant. I mean, I love the fact I get to work in a shop that smells like heaven, has a VERY eco-friendly ethic, 100% vegetarian and 80% vegan product list. Not to mention, the fact that I get a excellent discount so I can test out products and relate them to the customer!! But as well as this, I haven't had a single working shift yet where I've felt bad.

I mean I feel a little worried that Ill make a big old mess up or something, but I don't think I've made any MAJOR problems, I can now restock, sort the stock room, demo , as well as make a knot wrap out of a vintage scarf and talk to customers without feeling like I'm going to potentially kill them XD; always a bonus. I mean, I won't possibly know as much as the core staff, but I am trying to learn and keep up, doesn't help that my short term memory sucks and if I don't write stuff down, its gone. But as they used to say in school ' repetition, repetition, repetition!' I pretty much constantly look like I am talking to myself if I am not with a customer XD ...

And I love the fact that my skin feels better than ever ^^ its all silky and lovely and sometimes smells like pear drops, and its pretty much consistently glittery from demonstrating the new Xmas massage bar (called Snow Fairy Sparkle) and I smell; like a Terry's Chocolate Orange (again from the snow fair sparkle AND a soap called Orange Jelly).
=D LOVING LIFE right now.
Ok so I only get paid once a month and its about half as much as I would get from being on JSA, but I don't really care to be honest. I'm employed and I'm earning a wage and I'm not relying on the Gov't so they can cease to call me a leach on the taxpayer ... *puts tongue out* NER!!
And actually now I think about it, I'm not relying on my parents either, not that I was while I was on JSA, but now it just feels a little bit more... Me being self reliant. Lol, I can see all the imaginary full time workers going 'you have no idea!'.

And they are sending me on training up in Holborn on Monday, soooo that'll be an education, literally, but I  get to write it all down this time XD. 

So all in all the voices and I are actually feeling a lot more mellow at the minute, I'm not sure whether its the semi-security and confidence boost from finally getting a small job, the essential oils I am pretty much steeped in, the fact I am earning on my own or maybe even a combination of all of the above. But I am definitely happier in myself, mostly. Still a lot of shit going down, but not as bad as before-ish. . .

So there you go really, a recommendation for Lush, product placement, a bit of a update on why I am such a miserable bitch most days and a look towards the near future ;)

The voices and I agree that things are looking up, just slightly