children should be seen and definately not heard... ever

Im on my holiday and Im ranting. Therefore one could deduce I am not essentially having a fabulous time.

Well no, now you mention it, I am not.

I love children, I do, I think some kids are the most fabulous creatures in the world, my niece and nephew obviously being my favourites! I enjoy teaching small tiny humans because quite frankly you will never get the same answer from a child that you would get from an adult, and the childs answer will not only not be the answer you were expecting, it will also be the answer that stuns you into silence whilst you try and think of a way out of it without answering.

But au contrare, there be a problemo. Since the NSPCC basically outlawed corporal punishment when it come to your children, the worlds noise level just went up a few hundred thousand decibels.

screaming...
shrieking...
crying...
whining...
tantrums...
hitting things...
throwing things...
swearing...
cussing...
yelling...
hissing... etc, etc.

children of the world.... S>T>F>U!


I have issues with migraines already without having to sit through a 2 hour session whilst im eating my dinner of you screaming your sodding lungs out because you are just throwing a brat spat. Even today, a child was screaming so loudly and at such a high pitch I genuinely thought it was someone blowing a whistle! And the family thought it was hilarious. Yeh, maybe for the first 2 times he did it, not after the 25 minute long session in which I am pretty certain he didn't breathe.

PARENTS!!! SHUT YOUR CHILDREN UP!



'shhhhh' and 'be quiet' obviously aren't working. try 'shut it or else no icecream/tv/moshi monsters/etc.'

What happened to parental control? My parents wouldn't have dreamed of letting me perform like that, not in a million years. I would of had 2 warnings, a quiet final warning telling me the punishment of the evening and then said punishment if I continued- usually sending to bed early/ no horseriding or swimming/visits to my nan or if I was being a seriously determined brat, a swift smack to the back of my legs.


Everyone over 20 remembers those, worse than having your arse smacked, the stinging and the redness and not being able to sit down properly... makes my legs twitch just to think of it.

Anyway back on track, a child under - lets say- 9 doesn't need a voice at the table, in the restaurant, DEFINATELY not in the cinema.
I don't mind screaming in the supermarket - God knows I would bloody scream as I hate shopping that much - because I can yell 'SHUT UP' from 2 rows away and the parents never know who it was! (Muwahahahaha)

But seriously, what happened to the age old mantra of 'Children should be seen and not heard'.... because me and the voices are going to starts a retro-flashback!

you SHOULD look a gift horse in the mouth

I have often said that one of my favourite hobbies is horse-riding, I've basically been in the saddle since the age of 3 and have ridding at the same stable for over 17 years.
Now I don't pretend to know my way around a dressage test, I have never competed nor have I ever owned my own horse, but working with the riding school I have learnt many of the quirks and no-nos of some of the beasties around me.

But it boils my blood when I see the people advertising their horses for sale. Some of the SHIT that they spout is hysterically laughable.
Reading some of the adverts is literally like trying to break a code without an ENIGMA device.

Advertised as -	True meaning -
‘Sad sale’	Horse is too small, always lame, no time, too many other horses, no money
‘Bomb proof’	Has seen the outside of the stable and hasn’t freaked out yet – hasn’t seen traffic, flapping bags, scary leaves in trees, cyclists, joggers,
‘Would suit novice’	Is dead in the mouth, is dead to the leg, deaf/blind, older than advertised,
‘Would suit mother/daughter share’	Mother can hold the horse whilst daughter tries to not get thrown off
‘Been there, done it’	Probably spent most of its life in stable, hacked out, competed once – didn’t win, waste of time
‘Schoolmaster’	Has seen inside of school once or twice
‘Backed and ridden’	Is probably NOT yet 3 years old, has had saddle and bridle on (possibly), ridden is a bit of a loose term – usually means a dummy was strapped on
‘few quirks’	Kicks, bites, lunges at moving objects, bad stable manners, hates farrier, bucks when asked for transitions, the list is endless
‘Resale due to time wasters’	The last lot wouldn’t pay the asking price
‘Special horse’	SPOILT/CRAZY
‘Competition horse’	Looks better than it rides – see ‘schoolmaster’
‘100% good to catch, box’	IF you leave it in its stable and blindfold it before trying to get it up the ramp closely followed with 5 other people and some ropes
‘bit green’	Current owner has no idea how to school said horse/pony and so it has done no work except hacking
‘looking for 5* home’	Looking for someone to pay through the nose
‘includes tack and rugs’	Tack probably old and crappy and doesn’t fit and rugs are torn, ripped and pretty useless except for rags
‘not for novice’	Horse will basically try and get you off any which way it can, regardless of endangering your life, in the fastest time possible

Ok, so sometimes you are guaranteed to find a diamond of a horse/pony but like anything, you will find your fair share of liars and cover ups.
If you are going to sell your beastie BE HONEST, I don't want to know all the crap, I want to see the animal, find out for myself if its sane, healthy, rideable. Get the animal vetted and checked by professionals.

The voices and I agree that the horsey people of the world are full of bullshit and sometimes you need a big ass broom to clear away the crap.

cellulite isn't sexy no matter how young you are.

 

Fashion is something that everybody take a part in, whether it be the conventional fashionista - following every trend, being a part of the masses, wearing what THE people of the fashion industry demand is the latest and highest of trends. Or if you sit at the opposite end of the scale, commenting on the stupid idea's, poor choices in matching clothing items, over accessorising, and the ready plethora of mistakes that celebs make in public.

We all take a part in some way, shape or indeed, fashion. I mean, most women will understand when I say we are all secret Miranda Priestly wannabes, positively ripping apart other peoples clothing and dress (non)sense.

So to get to todays rant, long delayed and much overdue, I am here to declare that I have had it up to the tips of my dinky little ears with having to see very underage young girls (sometimes as young as 7 or 8) wearing completely inappropriate clothes that show off way to much, in very public places.

I give an example, hot pants/shorts.
Yes I am aware it is summer, and it is hot, people want to get tans (although in Essex most twats wear too much fake tan to get a genuine one), girls want to look sexy, blah!

PEOPLE you are letting your VERY UNDERAGE CHILDREN go out in public with their asses hanging out. (see picture below - found via google).

In a world now filled with paedophiles and sex offenders, don't you think you are making it WAY too easy for them to operate?
Not to mention the horrifying fact that not only are 1in 3 of these children overweight, but also there is a very LARGE percentage of these girls who have HIDEOUS amounts of cellulite.

I mean, ew! I don't want to see your underage, cellulite rampant ass hanging out while I am trying to drink my fabulous frappuchino.

Or another example, boobtubes/strapless tops.
Im sorry but someone HAS to agree that if a child is 7 years old, its almost 99.9% certain that it has had no development of its mammary glands and therefore NO cleavage to put into a boobtube/strapless top. Whilst research has determined that girls are developing much younger these days, some experience their first periods as young as 8, it can still take YEARS to develop boobage - some girls don't even develop boobs until their late teens to early 20s despite menstruating (and no girlies fake boobs do not count - stop trying so hard).

Young men too, what is this manic obsession you all have with your trousers hanging around your kneecaps?! Do none of you realise that this practice actually started in the American judicial system?

Inmates were not allowed to openly show that they were having sexual relations with other inmates, so to show they were 'available' they would make sure their trousers hung lower to show off their boxers... Yeh guys, the whole 'make sure you don't drop your soap in the shower' joke, isn't a joke.

I love to talk about clothing, I do, I blame my best friend Sarah, if it wasn't for her I would literally be a total tom-boy who wore nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. I probably wouldn't know what a handbag was for and makeup would definitely be a complete mystery to me.
Don't get me wrong, my beloved mum has taught me well, I can dress myself well (when I choose to), apply make-up to stunning results but Sarah was the one who forced me to socialise ;) and I will never forgive her for it!

Here is the proof that I can look pretty and girly, I know many people believe these photos to be a myth and legend. >.> well, photo... Can't have all the pics in public domain!

But I also have to thank my mum again for never letting me out of the house looking like some of these imbeciles above. Please guys, when you  have children, don't make the same mistakes the parents of these folks have! TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO DRESS PROPERLY. And if you don't take the time, don't wonder at it when they bring home freaks, weirdies and much older men/women... you let them dress the way they dressed and now your going to have to suffer the consequences.

The voices and I agree that cellulite isn't sexy and nor are hairy boys bums!